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You can even introduce him as your friend rather than your boyfriend at first and then let him slowly get to know your kids (and you in the role of mother).Set him up to win by making it clear that your child (or children) aren’t competing for your time and attention. Have you asked him if he’s ready to meet your kids?Many kids hang on to the dream that mom and dad are going to get back together.So when you have a new significant other, this new person becomes their reality.Don’t ever bring your kids on a date — even if he agrees to meet you at the park because your schedule is “so busy.” A better choice?If you and your guy are in a relationship that lasts past the three-month mark and are making the commitment to be exclusive, begin to slowly introduce him to your kids.Inserting him into all of your kid time, though, is a big no-no.
Instead, let them know that mom has a lot of love to give and that adults have a different kind of love that’s currently missing from your life.
A child who feels as though mom’s boyfriend is the “enemy” will have a more difficult time adjusting long term. If your new guy has discussed an interest in meeting your children or expressed a desire to blend your families, it’s a sure sign he’s ready.
But a child who feels like mom’s boyfriend adds something positive to the mix will be more likely to warm up and ultimately cultivate a healthy relationship. This should make YOU feel ready to introduce him to your kids as well; a partner who’s ready and willing to meet and accept all of you (kids included) is someone you’re going to want to keep around.
"You never want to assume you're taking on the role of a biological parent," says Yamonte Cooper, Ed D, a licensed professional clinical counselor based in California.
"Instead, you should consider filling in as an additional person in the child's life, so that they think of you as someone extra, not someone who is replacing." This is generally true whether your partner is divorced or widowed. Cooper says that these conversations should be brought up early on, and that you should never assume what your role in a child's life would be.
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So, when she says her ex has him for the night, consider it excellent news. The timeline on real-life offspring will likely be age-dependent: Babies have no idea you exist. Show kindness and a semblance of liking kids—but don’t go overboard or kiss her munchkin’s ass. Even with modern fertility science, all tadpoles come with some sort of father.