Importance of dating after marriage
We had similar thoughts and passions and were able to understand each other incredibly well.
He could read me like no one else, inspired me, and made me think and laugh and cry.
I don't want to go through life thinking about what I might have had if I had waited it out for a better connection. I would greatly appreciate any light you might be able to shed on the matter. I've heard the chemistry question no fewer than three times this week. The first met a man online, and though they were a great fit on paper, when they met in person, she felt zero chemistry. The common thread in all three stories is that the man at issue is godly and has all the qualities the women are looking for in husbands.
But I also don't want to pass up a great guy who adores me and wants to marry me and make me happy. The second is dating a man she was set up with by her sister. The irony is that like you, all three women have had relationships in the past that have chemistry, but that crashed and burned.
I love him very much, but we do not have the same "chemistry" that I shared with the first person. I just saw the first guy again this week and was reminded again how strong the chemistry is between us.
And what's so troubling in all of this is that when premarital sexual activity is the norm, we think a man isn't marriage material if we don't feel like bedding him before the wedding. My suggestion is to step back from the relationship a bit (if only in your mind) to see if there is a friendship there.
It's only recently in human history that we've put chemistry front-and-center.
Three times Song of Solomon urges, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (2:7, 3:5, 8:4).
That admonishment is there because God made us sexual beings who, when aroused, are wired to be sexually intimate.
And the only proper context for that intimacy is marriage. Budziszewski used in a Boundless article of a man putting one foot to the floor on the accelerator, while using all his strength in the other to hold the brake down. It's only after marriage that you can legitimately hit the accelerator and go all the way.
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Article Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham Few things prepare your children for success more than growing up with a mom and dad who thoroughly enjoy each other.